Introducing My Inner Critic
If I were to picture my inner critic, she would probably look a lot like this. The cool fixed gaze. The stark contrast between light and dark, black and white – no shades of grey here…. The set of the chin. The drawing down of the brow. The straight nose. The pressed lips.
I imagine that her name is Rosamond, and that she is invested in the upholding of the ingrained Scottish Protestant work ethic which dogs my waking hours.
She tells me to “haud my wheesht”* when I want to complain about something. Rosamond doesn’t have time for those who whinge and whine.
She tells me to “get oan wae it”** when I want to pull back, go easy, take a break. Rosamond believes that the devil finds work for idle hands.
She tells me not to act above my station when I want to share my achievements, think big. Rosamond believes in keeping you in your place.
Who do you think you are? This question over and over. Who do you think you are to want softness, flow, gentleness, abundance, rest, recognition, comfort, support, joy, appreciation, communion, growth, freedom, pleasure, respect, bliss, love?
Did you know that the motto of the area of Edinburgh that I live next to is ‘Persevere’? No invitation into allowing there! No lenience. No loving embrace. No forgiveness. Just a determination to keep going no matter what.
Yes, the Scottish psyche can be a tough one. And yet within that psyche, I believe there is a strong thirst for a more gentle touch. With our soft water, our lush green landscape, our many lochs and waterfalls… I believe Scots are more conditioned to softness than many of us would admit to.
So this week, whether you are of Scottish origin or not, I want you to consciously invite in softness. I want you to be gentle with yourself. I want you to recognise that you are deserving of flow and comfort and respect and pleasure and love and whatever it is that you feel in your heart you truly desire. I want you to rise above your cultural conditioning that demands you undervalue your contribution to the world. I want you to embrace self-acceptance.
And I want you to give your own Rosamond a hug. Tell her thanks, but no thanks. Pack her off to bed with a hot toddy and a romance novel. Wrap her in her soulskin, tuck her in beneath the covers, sing to her the soft lilting melodies of her childhood, kiss her lightly on the forehead, promise to leave her nightlight on….
Now, feel free to treat yourself to whatever it is that you need right now. Go on. She’s fast asleep and need never know…
* haud yer wheesht – be quiet
**get oan wae it – get on with it
3 Comments
Nikki Turner
Ahhh Amy, I think Rosamond has a sister/friend in my own inner critique, alas I do not know her name but she looks a lot like Rosamond lol!!
Her voice booms out when I try to be soft, her needs demanding of me, her attitude is get going or be done with you! Sometimes I want to be done with her but I know she is also a guide. I will trust in your guidance Amy and choose to speak to her gently, ask her to pick up her knitting needles and create her own entertainment for a while….
Thank you x
Chris
Gees has Rosamond got an Irish Catholic cousin?????????
Joanna Paterson
Oh Amy, I know those voices so well! Except my version is male, and does a fine impersonation of John Knox 😉
I think a large part of what I’ve been doing over the last few years is reclaiming my celtic identity – more poetic, more full of song, more free, more circular, more ebbing and flowing, more feeling the peacefulness of the setting sun.
Sometimes, often times, I feel like there’s a war being waged between these two forces inside, but I know which way peace lies, and I am going to keep moving towards being there, and enjoying feeling it, and sharing it.
Here’s to all embracing Scottish identity, soft celtic mists and all x